63. How to Feel More Validated

Have you ever caught yourself asking your partner for permission to do something? Or have you found yourself trying to convince them to see something your way so that they will go along with your plan?

Maybe you’ve received some feedback that paints you in a negative light and you’re catching yourself ruminating over whether or not the feedback is warranted and how to get that person back on your side.

These are all signs that you’re seeking validation, and these behaviors can get in the way of your ability to connect and communicate effectively.

It’s such an interesting paradox how validation is such a connecting force in our relationships while seeking validation creates so much disconnection.

The best antidote for the disconnection created by seeking validation is to practice self-validation. I teach my clients a three-step exercise for self-validating.

  1. Acknowledge – Name what you are feeling
  2. Allow – Remind yourself that it’s OK to feel any emotion
  3. Understand – Create a context that explains what you are feeling
As you move through the practice of self-validation, you’ll often find that nothing else needs to be done. And, when there is a problem to be solved, you’ll have a more open and helpful perspective for collaboratively approaching the problem.

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