50. How to tell your partner what you really want

It happens in nearly every relationship...

We feel neglected. We’re not getting the attention or quality time that we feel we deserve. We live like roommates most of the time. And when that becomes unbearable, we decide that we need to do something about the disconnection and dissatisfaction that we feel.

We say something. And our partner doesn’t respond as enthusiastically as we’d like them to. So we play the game of trying to make do with what we have until we can’t anymore and then the nagging and complaining starts again.

It’s exhausting for everyone.

What if there was a solution that actually made things better instead of pushing him further away?

The key here is to talk about what you do want – the inspiring and inviting version – instead of making veiled requests or complaining about what you don’t want or not getting.

This is often easier said than done, but it is possible. When you start doing this, your partner might even wonder, “what’s the catch?”

But hang on for a minute here and give this idea a little bit of time to work.

In this episode, I share an analogy for relationship growth and a few tips for creating a clearer, more compelling vision for your relationships:

  • Identify a relationship to focus on.
  • What do you like about it?
  • What do you want to be different?
  • How will these changes make you feel – what feelings are you looking for in this relationship?
  • Choose three words to describe the feelings you want and describe each one in detail.
  • Decide who you need to be to initiate these changes in your relationship.
Giving someone a clear definition of what you want makes it so much easier for them to fulfill your requests…especially if you invite them to do the same!

Get the free Relationship Vision Worksheet here.

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A Simple, Straightforward, And Surprisingly Effective Guide for Hard Conversations

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