41. Avoiding Relationship Gridlock

What do you do when the same problem keeps coming up over and over again in your relationship?

This is a sign that you are either headed toward gridlock or you are already there.

Whether or not you’re in full gridlock, there are some helpful tools for dealing with the perpetual conflicts that come up in every relationship. So while you can’t necessarily stop your mother-in-law from dropping by unannounced and spoiling the grandkids with unwanted treats and gifts, you can come to a place where you and your partner have each other’s backs and understand why things that feel like no big deal to you really matter to them.

Rules of Engagement for Healthy Conversation about Unsolvable Differences:

  1. Don’t start a sentence with the word “you” (use I statements in conflict and in everyday language)
  2. Reflect back to your partner using their own words so you can tune in to what’s going on for them
  3. Look for cues pointing to what dreams aren’t being met (e.g. sense of freedom,
  4. Know your partner’s backstory
  5. Keep your focus on the long-term success of the relationship

Connect with our guest Patty Mohler

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